I'm happy to interview Lundy Bancroft, author, and expert on male abuse behaviors and tactics. Lundy has 30 years experience working in the field of abuse. His book "Why Does He Do That" is a one of the first I read and it helped tremendously. Lundy is a lifelong advocate for the safety of women and children and it shines through in his books.
You may be wondering whether you're in a relationship with a Narcissist or an Abuser or someone who's both. We can overlook abuse when we just want to be happy, and this interview is coming in the nick of time with the holiday season here. Everything is more intense during the holidays and hope for it all to work out is at its height.
Maybe you've been drawn back to the sparkly seasonal web of Love Bombing from the Narcissist and wondering why you let yourself get hurt again.
Maybe you're feeling guilty and questioning whether this version of them is REAL. And you've temporarily forgotten most of the hurtful things and how you've been abused throughout your relationship.
Or you're out of the relationship now and managing thoughts ruminating about interactions with them and trying desperately to figure out what happened. What makes this person tick and WHY they do the things they do.
Please listen and watch for validation and support.
In this interview Lundy covers
- Differences between the Narcissist and Abuser
- Why differentiating between them matters.
- His background and what led him to advocate for women
- What we as a society can do to create healthy male allies
- What male abuser programs look like and how successful ones keep in close contact with the woman who's been abused
- How men and women are conditioned to expect and accept domineering "sexy" qualities
- Personality disorders vs. abuse orientation
- Inability to empathize vs. choosing NOT to empathize
- Healing from trauma and how we can intentionally connect with others who are on the healing journey through Lundy's Peak Living Network (PLN)
Note: this network is not specifically for abuse survivors and is meant for people outside of deep crisis who are able to give 50% and receive 50%. Focus on YOU 100% first, if you're in deep crisis.
You should know...
Lundy said, "Both narcissists and abusers do a lot of collecting allies."
Boy does that ring true! You may be feeling the destruction and erosion of your reputation or relationships due to their actions. You're not alone. Keep seeking ways to feel better and keep your boundaries strong.
If you're regrouping and dealing with trauma from an ongoing invasion of your loved ones and friends network. Please take extra good care of yourself and find at least one person who can validate and understand your experience.
And if no one around you understands, focus on yourself and do what feels good to lift your spirit.
Move physically, pray or meditate, dance around to music, start a short gratitude journal each night and morning to focus on what's good and going right in your life. Look for the tiniest things that make your day.
These simple acts can shift you and keep you out of a dark spiral. I'm speaking from experience. These work! :-)
I hope this interview helps answer some questions about abusers and their behaviors. And I would love to know what stood out for you and if more questions surfaced.
Please subscribe for more interviews, and share with anyone you think may need this information.
Lots of Love to you!
Steph xoxo!!
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